I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
