He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
