Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize