$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
