I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
