he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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