That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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