twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
