3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just had sex bonerless
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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