If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
