Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
