Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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