I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
