Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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