Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
