I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
