In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
