I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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