my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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