so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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