I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i believe in u and ur pee
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
