Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
