3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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