The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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