20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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