Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
