I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
