I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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