So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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