Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
