You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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