Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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