so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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