so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize