I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
