just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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