I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
