WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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