her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
