hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
