Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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