Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
