What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
