Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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