Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
