just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
