I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize