I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
