i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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