this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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