Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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