I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize