Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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