Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
