Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
