his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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