i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
