i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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