Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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