My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every concussion has its silver lining
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
