First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
