She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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