I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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