If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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