Where is the hickey?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
