if you like me you must not know who I am
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
