I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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