i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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